chivalry found alive and well in southern ontario

Before the holidays, I was taken out on a proper first date. Everything about it was ideal, even the way we started talking. Let me break it down for you:
I was in Cuba in October, and I happened to be there while a friend of a friend of a friend was getting married. This friend of a friend of a friend had an average sized group there for the wedding and I became a member of this group, by association.
They were all nice people and most were married with kids, or there with their ‘other half’ so I got to know them on a polite level but didn’t get too close with the couples. Skip to the end of November I get a message from one of the group members who was also there by association – his then girlfriend was in the wedding party.
The message was kind of weird, I’ll admit. It informed me in one short paragraph, that he and his then girlfriend had broken up and he had been crushing on me since the vacation, can’t get me out of his head, and thought he’d ‘give it a whirl’. I’m normally very sarcastic but I could sense this guys nerves through the message so I didn’t respond with ‘give what a whirl?’, which was my initial reaction. Instead I said that I found the second half of the message to be kind of sweet and told him I’d say yes if he asked me for a drink. Then he asked me for a drink which quickly turned into dinner instead, at one of the best steak houses in Toronto. When he mentioned taking me there I tried to decline. I told him I appreciated the gesture but would be perfectly happy getting to know him over good beer somewhere more low key. His response was that it was ‘too late, I’ve already made the reservation so you’re just going to have to get dressed up and enjoy a night out’. Wow, well if you insist!
Now I must point out that even at this point, this guy was well ahead of the pack when it comes to the men I have dated recently. The fact that he had confessed feelings to me AND insisted on taking me somewhere special because he really wanted to make a good first impression, was mind blowing considering that last ‘first date’ I was taken on was a complete disaster which I will tell you about later in a future post called ‘worst first date ever’.

Anyway, we agreed on a day and continued to chat over the next two weeks. He started counting down the days, which I thought was super cute, and asked me TONS of questions about myself which is something I look out for as a sign of genuine interest. There was a red flag though, he messaged me at one point and it said ‘if you’re looking for marriage, I’m your guy!’ and then went on to list the qualities that make him marriage material. I said something polite, along the lines of ‘well if things go well that’s good to know’ and then I told him that I’m not looking for marriage. I’m looking for the right person. I don’t know if marriage and/ or children are in my future but I do know that being with the man I love is, and that is all I want.
There was another red flag too, now that I think of it. He kept mentioning ‘future’ things like a ski trip for example. I would respond with ‘sure, if things go well and work out between us, I’d love to go skiing with you’. His response was always ‘What do you mean IF!?’. I should have noticed that in his mind I was already his fiance.

The day of the date he arrived at 6:45pm and texted me asking where to park (park!? I thought we were going out!) I told him to stay put and I’d be right down (I live in a 3 story walk up). As I came outside the first thing he said was ‘no! don’t look yet!’, so I stayed facing the door until he said it was OK to look. I turned around and saw a RIDICULOUSLY LARGE bouquet of a ridiculous assortment of flowers specifically; gerbera daisies, orchids and wildflowers. And it was 3 feet tall. It had a card attached and everything, describing how all of my favourite things wouldn’t fit in the bouquet, so he had to stick to my favourite flowers. Some sweet! I put the flowers in my apartment feeling bad about telling him to stay put, clearly the guy wanted to knock on my door and have me open it to that beautiful arrangement and his smiling face.

Pretty, aren’t they?

Back outside he stood waiting for me by the passenger door, which he opened and closed for me all night. In fact I didn’t touch one door, save for the ones in the ladies rooms. Speaking of which, this guy even stood up as I’d leave and then return to the table every time I needed the facilities. I couldn’t believe it. I couldn’t believe anything actually, the entire evening was something out of a movie where everything was perfect and the guy gets the girl he’s been crushing on and treats her like a princess and pulls out all the stops. Only it wasn’t the movies and although I was treated like a princess, I just wasn’t feeling any real attraction to him. He was cute, impeccably dressed, successful, but as the date went on I couldn’t help but feel like the date was less about me and more about him finding someone to marry. After dinner we went for drinks and chatted some more, then it was time to go. He took me home and said good night. I gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek and that was that.

The next morning I was enjoying my lazy Sunday and thinking about what I was going to say to him when I messaged him that Monday thanking him and all of that polite stuff, when my phone went off and I saw it was him. No ‘hello;, no ‘good morning’ just ‘what’s your opinion, do you see potential for us?’. Now considering it was less than 24 hours later I found this to be kind of off-putting. I told him that I thought he was one of the sweetest guys I’d ever met and thanked him for proving that chivalry is in fact, not dead. I told him the date was refreshing but I didn’t know how to answer him because it was so soon after the fact. He texted me the next evening apologising for being so pushy and I told him that I appreciated him saying that and then I made up plans so I wouldn’t have to text him all night. A few days later I sent him an email telling him that I had a great time, thanking him for being so sweet, but that we were looking for different things and I hoped we could be friends. His response? ‘Totally!’. We haven’t spoken since.

What did he do right?
1. He had a crush on me for an extended period of time, knew he wanted to date me and made sure I knew it. Also, he waited a respectable amount of time between his break up and asking me out. Note: he had only been with her a couple of months and it was a mutual break up.
2. He put himself out there! I love it when guys put themselves out there and risk rejection. It shows me that their willing to take a risk to get what they want and that’s so important in life!
3. He was genuine in wanting to know about me and made an incredible effort to make me feel special. He treated me like a lady.

Where did he go wrong?
1. What was he thinking texting me the very next day asking me what my opinion was and if there was potential!? Don’t get me wrong, these are fair questions but come on, wait a day or two and wait for it to come up naturally.
2. This guy talked about marriage waaaayy too early. He mentioned it in the weeks leading up to the date, on the date and even in a text after the date. Even if I had been attracted to him I couldn’t help but feel he was looking for marriage and not necessarily the right person.
3. He didn’t want to hear that I wasn’t looking for marriage.

What have I learned?
1. That great guys do exist, there are still considerate and thoughtful, chivalrous gentlemen out there roaming around planet earth who believe in love and treating a woman right. A lesson much needed after the experiences I’ve had which led me to believe that guys like that were extinct.
2. That just because a guy is great, does not mean he’s great for me. Although I learned this years ago, it was nice to have it reiterated at this time in my life where the phrase ‘settle for’ crosses my mind every so often.

Overall
This man made me feel special by doing all the ‘right things’ during the date and leading up to the date. Unfortunately once he knew what he wanted to know about me his focus moved on to marriage and the pressure I felt after receiving his text the day after the date was just too much. It was nice to be treated well but when his attention shifted from me to whether or not there was potential for marriage, he just left me feeling like a dying animal on the plains of Africa watching the vultures circling.

what just happened (part 2)

Since the fire I have been feeling very ill…off, not myself. I know the holidays are tough on everyone but I found myself extremely depressed, emotional (a freaking SEARS COMMERCIAL MADE ME CRY LIKE A BABY over and over again), irritable to the point where I couldn’t even have the TV on because the sounds made me crazy. I’ve been disoriented, unable to think clearly and haven’t even been able to read let alone compile a blog post, as I’ve been struggling to comprehend words.

I lost my appetite, had stomach aches, felt nauseous all the time and from the 26th of December haven’t been able to get off my couch due to the severe pain I have been in caused by really bad muscle aches, joint pain and fatigue. I have Fibromyalgia and for the first little bit I thought I was just having a particularly bad week but as it crept in to January I knew it had to be something else.

So last Monday I finally went to the doctor (a girl at work mentioned Strep throat because I had a rash on my neck and white on the back of my tongue but it turns out that was just yoghurt. oops!). So the Doc couldn’t figure it out, chalked it up to my Fibro and decided to test me for Mono just in case, as the exhaustion has been absolutely overwhelming. BUT when I casually mentioned the fire that happened just before Christmas he perked up and said ‘That’s it!’.

So I don’t have Mono! WOO! But I do have MONO-xide poisoning, of the Carbon variety. It seems I didn’t escape the fire unscathed after all. Officially, it’s Acute Carbon Monoxide Poisoning. A one time exposure, very mild (holy shit I feel bad for the people who get extreme poisoning), and after taking a few natural remedies (Vit D-3, CoEnzyme Q10, Stress Vitamins, algae, antioxidants, Omega 3), I am feeling ten times better since last Monday. I feel my energy returning, my skin colour is getting back to normal and the headaches are gone. I’m not 100% yet, but even the relief of knowing what’s wrong makes me feel better and I know I’ll make a full recovery.

I know, this isn’t a health blog! BUT the reason I am sharing this is because there is not a lot known about this kind of poisoning and many doctors misdiagnose it as something else (as would have happened with me, had I not mentioned the fire). There are so many side effects that people wouldn’t normally associate with it, like strong emotions, pain, fatigue, nausea and so many more. These symptoms can last a life time as a result of brain damage caused by the poisoning (if you’ve had long term exposure to CO, or a very bad case of poisoning at some point in your past), and I can’t even imagine how many people are out there going crazy thinking they’re depressed or ‘just tired’ or thinking it’s ‘all in their head’ when in fact they’ve been poisoned. Half of the people affected don’t even realize there’s something wrong until friends and family point out that they’ve been acting differently.

I think awareness has to be heightened about CO poisoning and the scary fact that the symptoms mimic other health concerns. From a house fire to a bad space heater to dirty chimneys, there are SO MANY ways one can be poisoned and as we all know, it can be deadly. Please, for the love of god, make sure your detectors are plugged in and operational. If you notice you’re feeling ‘off’ or someone you love is acting differently than normal, talk to them and your doctor about CO poisoning. Unfortunately there is no test that can officially diagnose a past exposure but talking about it and being educated on the symptoms can make a huge difference. And as I said, the relief that comes with knowing what’s wrong is immense and will free you to take the necessary steps to recovering.

Oh and one more thing, if you’re ever in a situation like I was, seek out the paramedics and get oxygen immediately, even if you think you’re OK. If I had taken oxygen that night, my symptoms would have been a LOT less severe, but I thought I was fine and the scariest part? So did the firemen.

Muchos Besos,
eb

xo

what just happened? part 1

Sorry for the hiatus guys and gals, it’s been a crazy few weeks! To start off I hope you all had a wonderful and love filled holiday and that you all have an amazing 2013.

My holidays were not as wonderful as they could have been, but they were quite the experience nonetheless. So here is the story of how my Christmas Holidays, 2012, started off….

I finished work as usual on December 21st, and headed home to start making Christmas presents. I am not a big believer in spending crazy amounts of money to show my friends and family I love them, so instead I bake or make treats. Last year it was handmade chocolates, this year it was pistachio and cranberry shortbread drizzled in white belgian chocolate.

                     
  (last year’s chocolates)            This year’s shortbread                 Packaged and ready to gift!

Shortbread has to sit in the fridge for a while so I got all the batter all ready, popped it in the fridge and after a bottle of wine and a nice little smoke, I sat down around 11pm to relax on the couch. About an hour later I felt unusually drowsy but chalked it up to a long week. Then I smelled something odd, figured it must be coming from outside and continued to cuddle myself on the couch. About ten minutes after that all hell broke loose! I smelled smoke and started looking around my apartment to see if something was on fire. I then heard loud banging on my door, it was my neighbour, he informed me his basement apartment was filled with smoke and that he was evacuating his family and the firedepartment was on its way. I turned back into my apartment to get my coat and could barely see 5 feet infront of me due to all the smoke.

Then I had that moment, the one we all dread having, the moment you realize your house is going to burn down, you’re going to lose everything, what should you grab. What would you grab? I thought about it while putting on my socks. I thought ‘maybe I’ll grab a pair of jeans, but then I’ll need a shirt too, and underwear, and my make up, and and and’. I realized in that second that it was an ‘all or nothing’ kind of situation so I grabbed my phone and purse, unplugged my lamps, put on my coat, and got the hell out.

This picture is of the firemen busting in to the apartment below me, there was no answer so they had to break down the door. The guys weren’t home, thank god. Side note: I never would have guessed that in a panic, when I thought that I was going to lose everything in a fire, my gut reaction would be to grab my phone, put on socks and unplug my lamps…but that is what happened.

Outside it all seemed much calmer, although the yard was covered in firemen and hoses and the street was crammed with fire trucks.

I stood in my pj’s watching, taking it all in, shivering like a leaf. I spoke with a lady from next door and she told me that it was an electrical fire. The light fixture in one of the two basement apartments had sparked and started a fire. Aparently the entire ceiling went up in flames although we couldn’t see any from the street, just all the smoke. After standing for about an hour, a very nice (very handsome) fireman came up to me if I’d be more comfortable waiting in one of their trucks. I wanted to scream with delight! He took me to the back of the nearest truck and I had a seat on the back step. It looked like this:

I should mention that I (like many other women and children), LOVE firemen and fire trucks and I was like a kid in a candy store once he put me in the truck.

A few minutes went by and my handsome fireman came back to tell me I might be warmer up front (I GET TO SIT IN THE FRONT!?!?), I said ‘If you think so, sure, thank you.” as calmly as possible and followed him around to the front. He opened the door for me and pointed out each seat telling me why I might be comfortable in one opposed to the other and so forth. He even pulled down a seat off the side and told me I might like it too. I pointed to the one I wanted (with the best view of all the action), and he said ‘yes, that is a good one too’. He then let go of the fold down seat, which flipped up so quickly it hit his elbow which caused him to whack himself in the face. I tried not to giggle as I thanked him. He closed the door and went back to work. I kept catching him looking over at me, and at one point he came to ‘drop off his mask’. I think a mutual crush was developing, but I can’t be sure.

Anyway, another hour went by and we were cleared to go back inside. I was worried, the place was still smokey but they assured me all would be fine, the fire was out and was not going to start again. It was safe. Obviously I couldn’t sleep. I stayed up watching through my livingroom window, as they cleaned up their gear and equipment and packed into the trucks. I paced around a little, reflecting on what just happened. Something like this, so close to Christmas, really put things into perspective for me. Faced with the thought of losing everything I just couldn’t stop thinking of how lucky I was to get out unharmed. Possessions are nothing, I am so thankful for my family and friends, and I am so happy to have life. As I pondered this, and thanked the universe for keeping me safe, I also wished I could see my fireman again. And then there was another knock at the door. It was handsome fireman back with another fireman! I was thrilled for a half a second but then I saw why he was back…. I had left my purse in the truck and they had come to return it and I felt myself turn red instantly! Just a little embarrassing but totally worth it to be greeted at my door by two of Toronto’s finest (and hottest) heroes. Everyone is convinced I left it in the truck on purpose; if only I was that calculating I would have looked WAAAYYY cuter when he came to return it.

Two days later I brought a batch of shortbread to the firehouse. I had a card for the entire crew that was at my house, thanking them for their hard work and commitment to the safety of others. Honest to god you have no idea how amazing these people are until you see them in action. I also had a card addressed to ‘The Fireman who returned my purse’. The girl I was handing it to told me that he was off that day but I should leave my phone number so he could call me to thank me, ‘He’s single’ she whispered!! I giggled and said quietly ‘it’s already in there’.

It’s now 3 weeks later, the holidays have come and gone and I haven’t heard from my handsome fireman. I still feel good about the situation though, I put myself out there and I feel great about that. I haven’t been meeting anyone buy standing idle so I did something about it, tried something different, and still have a smile on my face when I think about the experience.

Unfortunately there were some bad side effects that came with my exposure to the smoke but I’ll talk about that in part. 2.

Thanks for reading!

eb

winter (fat) is coming

I can feel it. It’s been over a month since my last ride and I can feel the softness returning from its summer hibernation, this is not good. I have to behave and although I want to so bad, I can’t just leave my bike alone and eat comfort food all winter. I seriously considered it but the thought of starting all over next spring is much more terrifying than setting up my trainer and just hopping on. Obviously riding on the trainer is way boring,  the whole reason I ride is because I love the outdoors! But I must persist and ride for 60min at at least 3 times a week. Cycling is my favourite hobby and the side effects are much more conducive to a healthy lifestyle than those of my other favourite hobbies which are drinking beer and shopping. And eating. Also sex, but I’m single and solo sex just doesn’t burn as many calories as the other kind. So cycling on my trainer in my living room, it is.

I’m also thinking I should start doing some yoga on a daily basis. As much as I ride in the summer, my stubborn belly fat is always there and I wouldn’t mind seeing it melt away over the winter. I would love to be one of those people who get up at the crack of dawn, drink warm lemon water, yoga it up, and then get on with their day while birds and small animals follow them around chirping and singing and looking all cute. Sounds ideal! But my heavy-sleeping, smoking, coffee-addicted ass will take some time to get its cheeks around that idea so maybe I’ll just start with 15 minutes of stretching in the mornings and see where it goes from there.

Anyway, I have a question for anyone who uses a trainer… do I bother getting a trainer tire? Last year I had a shitty bike I didn’t care about so just used the stock tire. This year I have my brand new (2011) Trek Lexa S, and I really don’t want to fuck her up. So do I get a trainer tire? Also, do I use the pin that came with the trainer or do I just stick with the pin that came with the bike? Any tips would be greatly appreciated.

dating scmating

My experiences in the dating world have left me wanting every single time. It seems like with every date I go on my expectations seem more and more ludicrous considering who’s out there in the dating pool. Apparently a proper first date and a genuine interest in ME are waaaayyyy too much to ask, not to mention qualities that seem to be fading from existence.

Lately I’ve been dating guys who want commitment from me without giving me what I need emotionally. No sweet gestures, no real ‘first date’, no romance, nothing to show me that I’m cared about, just the bare minimum at the most and that is not cool with me. I am a very thoughtful, romantic and giving person and I am sick and tired of dating guys who take take take everything I have without giving anything back. I’m not talking about things that cost money either, I am not materialistic. I am talking about thoughtful gestures, kind words, actions, chivalry! I’m talking about real communication and real conversation and a sense that he likes me for who I am, not what I look like. Is that really too much to ask? Really? I’m sincerely asking your thoughts here dear readers (awkward silence), are my expectations too high? Or have I just missed out on real love?

Sometimes I wonder if its karma. Ya, I said it, the K-word, KARMA. I’ve broken a lot of hearts in my day and they were all (mostly) really good hearts! Genuine guys who showed me and gave me everything I needed, genuine guys who have set my expectations for the men who come to follow them. Genuine guys who would have given me the world, had I been ready for it. Did I use up all my ‘good man’ karma? Is it all gone now that I’m actually ready for the ‘right’ guy to come along? I sure hope not. Although I have already braced myself for a life of singledom, it is not what I want. I have a lot of love to give and I want to give it! I want sex, and cuddles and laughs and arguments. I want to wake up to the man I love making me breakfast. I want to pack his lunch and kiss him as he leaves for work. I want to be with a good man, regardless of weather or not marriage and children come along, I want to be in a relationship with a man who treats me right and makes me feel like a valued part of a balanced team. I want to commit, I want to be on a team of two, I want to give up all others, I want to have sex with one person for the rest of my life! Why is it so hard to find him!?

I don’t reek of desperation, I have a ton of my own shit on the go. I have a great social life, can provide for myself. I don’t need a man, I just really want one. I want one to the point where I am beginning to wish I was the ‘settle for the next best thing’ kinda girl and that scares me because to this point I have only considered ‘settling’ if the world explodes and the future of the human race depends only on me and the random guy who just happened to survive with me.

With my luck though, that would be the only circumstance in which I’d find the ‘right’ guy so here’s to hoping those Aztec’s were on to something. Cheers!

on with it

I started this blog to talk about dating and money so I suppose I should get on  with it, and start talking about those very things.

I’ll start with money.

My spending habits are something I’ve been fighting with for years. You see I’ve always been very responsible when it comes to my fixed expenses; I always pay my rent on time, always pay my phone and internet with time to spare, but savings and unfixed expenses like credit cards, I have a huge problem with. If I have extra money, I spend it. If I have room on my credit cards, I fill it. God knows on what, I don’t have a car or a house or extravagant taste, I just spend like a maniac and I really have to stop. I have to take control of my finances and set a goal. So here it is, my all grown up and shiny new goal is that this time next year I will be debt free with a brand new baby savings account all ready to be filled up.

My only debt is is the form of 2 credit cards. Both were obtained about 5 years ago and have been constantly maxed out ever since. I’m sure many of you know how it goes, pay a bit off then spend again, pay a bit more off and then spend again. A vicious cycle, revolving credit. Definitely not all it’s cracked up to be.

I’ve tried many times to make a budget and stick to it. Mint.com came in quite handy and actually did raise my level of awareness when it comes to what I spend but unfortunately it has done little to improve my net worth. I’ve also tried putting a set amount into a savings account every pay cheque but I can’t seem to save more than $200 before it vanishes. I had an RRSP which grew to over $3000 but then I lost my job and had to cash it in. I’ve tried cutting up my credit cards but that only works for shopping in person (thanks, Pay Pal!).
I’ve tried freezing them in a lump of ice which seems ingenious until you realize that all you have to do is run that lump of ice under some hot water and 30 seconds later voila, spending spree! I’ve also tried to get a consolidation loan but apparently the banks don’t like ‘fair’ credit scores so to hell with that idea, I hate The Man anyway. Now I’m done trying. I have finally realized my debt, like many other things, will not disappear by simply going all Dexter on its ass or by making it cold. Nor will some magical website come along to sweep my debt off its feet. Nope, it will only disappear after I look deep within myself and find my inner financial goddess. Sounds beautiful right? Well it’s not. It sucks. Now I have to bite the bullet, admit my mistakes, learn from them and make them right or I will be stuck in that revolving door forever. I have failed miserably up to this point so I’m here with a fresh new approach and I am dead set on making it work. Here it is: instead of looking for some ‘miracle cure’ or tackling both cards at once, which I clearly cannot do, I’ve decided to take them down one at a time. Pay down one, then the other, then start a savings account. Baby steps. One little chubby baby step at a time. Simple idea, I don’t know why I didn’t think of it sooner.

I’m starting with the MasterCard that has the highest interest rate (because that what Gail Vas-Oxlade says to do). That card, we’ll call her Lil’ Silver, has a whopping 19.99% interest rate and on a $4K balance, that usually equals an interest payment of $95/month! Absolute joke and I am an idiot! I’ve been maxed out for at least 4 years…that’s so much interest!!! I’m feeling nauseous just thinking about it. What have I been thinking!?! Ugh. I need a glass bottle of wine.

Anyway, Lil Silver and I, we have had such good times. She saved my life when I moved back to Toronto from South Korea and was unemployed for 4 months. She bought me groceries, paid my phone bill, entertained me, wined me and dined me. Recently she took me to Cuba, and before that, Arizona. She has comforted me and helped me see the world and It’s unfortunate that it has come to this but I can’t keep living my life feeling like I owe her something for all that she gave me. It’s time to pay her back so we can move forward and have a healthy relationship, one all the other kids are jealous of.

I made my last purchase on September 26th, 2012. $47.00 well spent at Shoppers Drug Mart, bringing my balance up to $3998. With less than $2.00 of available credit left, I cut her up that day and threw away the pieces. I deleted her number from Pay Pal and Groupon and now all that’s left of her is my monthly statement. Since then I am proud to say that I have reduced my balance to $3174, as of this very day. That means I have just over $800 dollars available to me! Good thing too cause I really need some new winter boots and some work pants…

…kidding! Well, not really but I will resist the urges. I will be happy with the boots I have; some people don’t have any. I will be happy with the pants I have; the fact that they’re 2 sizes too big is a wonderful reminder that I whipped my ass into shape this summer. I will not order a replacement card because it is not my money and should not spend it on things I do not need. And I will not depend on my available balance for anything other than (real) emergencies. Wish me luck.

My other card, who we’ll call Lil Blue, she’s nesting comfortably in my wallet basking in the glow of her 12.9% interest rate. I’ll continue the usual routine with her for now, she’s getting me a rental car for a week over the holidays and I know for a fact that she’d be hella offended if I tried to return it.

Vroom vroom.

off the cuff

Good morning all! Please sit back and enjoy this unedited, unimportant, spontaneous post. It’s my first time posting without putting any thought into it whatsoever, so please bear with me. I don’t really know what I want to say today, other than that I’m super tired and that bottle of wine from last night is a back stabbing bitch. She was soooo sweet and nice to me last night lulling me in with her bodacious body and irrisistable fragrance, soothing my stress with every sip. And then this morning, it was a whole other story. I woke up late, to a slap in the face and a kick in the stomach, deceitful tramp she is… I’m done with her (for now)! DONE(after I finish her off tonight)!

Anyway I had my friend Xander over last night. I met him through work and we’ve become very good friends over the last year, despite a very rocky start. The first time we went for beers it ended with me slapping him in the face and telling him to never speak to me again. The evening had started well but took a turn for the worst when he started telling me how sexy I am and how it would be his dream come true to see me prance around his apartment wearing an anal plug complete with pony tail. Are you wondering where the hell that came from? SO WAS I! He went as far as to offer me money and that is when I tried to end the evening but he followed me out to the subway stop and proceeded to try to kiss me as we parted ways. I slapped him. Hard. Right in the face. I remember feeling really crappy on the subway ride home, feeling stupid for thinking he really wanted to be friends with me. That’s my problem, you see; for all my experience, I am naive. I always see the best in people and assume that intentions are always honest but we all know that isn’t alwyas true.

By now you’re probably wondering how Xander went from getting a slap in the face to sitting on my couch, so let me tell you… a few weeks after the ‘pony tail’ incident, he texted me to apologize. He told me that about an hour into our evening he began thinking of how nice it was to be out with a ‘woman like me’ and that he got nervous and completely lost control. He wasn’t pushy, and was fine if I never wanted to speak to him again, but really wanted to apologize and acknowledge that I didn’t deserve to be ambushed like that. I hadn’t expected an apology but what he said was heartfelt and I believed he was sorry and since then we’ve began building a friendship, free of inappropriate and demeaning propositions! I really do enjoy his company and he’s a great guy to have as a friend. He has helped me out when I’ve needed it, and is always a great listener when I need to vent or when I need advice. And, despite him making me feel so shitty about myself the first night we went out, he actually does a great job of making me feel better when I’m feeling down and out. Which is exactly what he did last night. I’ve been feeling so pathetic lately; I hate my purposeless job, I’m broke, my love life sucks, blah blah blah, and he just tells me how much he enjoys my company and what a great person I am and that he can’t wait to see ‘what I do with myself and where I go in life’. It’s nice to have a friend like that, someone rooting for me and who just wants to see me happy! Now, don’t get me wrong fellas, I know he probably still wants to stick it in me, and he would most likely go and get me a pony-tail anal plug at the drop of a hat, but I believe that guys and girls CAN be friends despite wanting to fuck each other and he has shown me over and over again as time goes by, that I can count on him and to me, that’s what counts. Besides, he has a girlfriend now, I honestly can’t say I’d hang out with him as much if he didn’t, but we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.

fuck it, i’m starting a blog

I’ve always wanted to, but i keep putting it off cause every time I try to come up with a witty and fucking amazing first entry, my mind goes blank. 
So screw it, sorry adoring fans (cricket cricket), there will be no kick-ass first entry, just this:
 
What has inspired me to start such a thing? Well it comes down to my experiences as a single woman at the age of 31. All those Sex and the City episodes where they complain about being single in their 30’s and losing all hope, are coming flooding back to me and are quite frankly, giving me the cold sweats. No longer am I the 20 something, carefree, experimental and crazy version of myself laughing at those women thinking I’d have it all sorted out by the time I’m ‘their age’. Oh No. Here I am at ‘their age’ with absolutely nothing sorted out, no husband, no children and nothing to show for myself but a really expensive road bike. Now don’t get me wrong, I like me and I wouldn’t change the road I took to get to this place in my life but for fuck’s sake I DON’T EVEN HAVE A SAVINGS ACCOUNT. So here I am, single and broke in the city. I know I am not alone, but it really feels that way sometimes. Particularly on those days when all I want to do is veg out in my underwear and drink coffee with a man that loves me  (and loves the coffee as much as I do!). Yes, those are lonely days however I refuse to settle, just to get some cuddles. And so I date. And date. And date. And I try to get ahead financially (damn credit cards), and so here are my experiences and struggles. I know I’m one of many women (and men), in the same situation so hopefully, if you’re reading this ladies and gentlemen, we can get through this together. I want to learn from you and I would be honoured and humbled if this silly blog could actually help and inspire you.  So here goes it.